Finding Her People
How Mercedes Wilby navigates life with RA and lupus.
By Ann Lindemann | May 20, 2025
As a bisexual woman with rheumatoid arthritis and lupus, Mercedes Wilby, 36, has two identities that both offer distinct challenges and barriers. But fortunately, she’s found her people, thanks to the Arthritis Foundation’s LGBTQIA+ Connect Group.
In 2022, Mercedes finally received a definitive medical diagnosis after a two-decade search for answers. As she faced the onslaught of treatment options, however, this research-driven academic found two critical components missing: support and connection. As a professor, she jokes that finding the Arthritis Foundation didn’t require “doctoral-level research skills.” Mercedes was pleased to see an LGBTQIA+ group, but she wondered if her life would benefit from yet more screen time. Luckily, she logged in to find out, and the rest is history.
“It’s been such an incredibly helpful experience connecting with this group,” Mercedes says. “Being LGBTQIA+ and having a chronic illness/disability both present their own challenges in life. That’s why having a group like this that focuses on the intersectionality of these identities can be so wonderful.”
Each meeting has a different theme. Past speakers have included an occupational hand therapist and a yoga expert who taught the group helpful stretches and meditation practices. “But even when we have specialists, there’s always time for us to chat,” Mercedes explains.
“There’s a group of us who’ve been on for a while now, so we’ll ask, ‘Hey, how’s your treatment going?’” Above all, she adds, it’s a safe, supportive space for members to vent and share their frustrations. Indeed, Mercedes has had her fair share of frustrations with years of unexplained symptoms.
The Long & Winding Road to Diagnosis
“It’s absolutely absurd how long this all took, especially how many times my mom, when I was a child, and I, as an adult, told doctors that something was off,” she says.
Mercedes spent much of high school with blood work anomalies and knee problems, which may have been undiagnosed opathic arthritis. Despite her physical issues, Mercedes charged ahead in her academic pursuits, earning a bachelor’s degree in political science from Barnard College in 2011.
However, it wasn’t until 2013 that she experienced her first painful flare while pursuing her master’s degree at the London School of Economics. She graduated and returned to the United States, where she worked as a political campaign press secretary. “I was feeling better for a while, but as anyone working campaigns will tell you, they are immensely stressful, grueling jobs. The intense work resulted in another flare.”
By 2016, Mercedes had pivoted from politics to academics, pursuing a doctorate in political science from CUNY Graduate Center in New York City. Mercedes avoided doctors as she was tired of being told everything was due to stress, insufficient rest and exercise. “With hindsight, I now realize I had some alarming things happen, like a major, unexplained fall — but I mostly brushed them off,” she says.
Finally, at a post-pandemic, annual physical, her new doctor told her that her symptoms were not a result of normal stress, aging or exhaustion. By April 2022, she had a diagnosis of seronegative RA and a treatment plan. Later, in 2024, she was additionally diagnosed with systemic lupus erythematosus, or SLE, the most common form of lupus. “As weird as it sounds to say, it was a relief getting a pretty major diagnosis and to think, ‘Oh my gosh, I’m not nuts.’”
As a bisexual woman with rheumatoid arthritis and lupus, Mercedes Wilby, 36, has two identities that both offer distinct challenges and barriers. But fortunately, she’s found her people, thanks to the Arthritis Foundation’s LGBTQIA+ Connect Group.
In 2022, Mercedes finally received a definitive medical diagnosis after a two-decade search for answers. As she faced the onslaught of treatment options, however, this research-driven academic found two critical components missing: support and connection. As a professor, she jokes that finding the Arthritis Foundation didn’t require “doctoral-level research skills.” Mercedes was pleased to see an LGBTQIA+ group, but she wondered if her life would benefit from yet more screen time. Luckily, she logged in to find out, and the rest is history.“It’s been such an incredibly helpful experience connecting with this group,” Mercedes says. “Being LGBTQIA+ and having a chronic illness/disability both present their own challenges in life. That’s why having a group like this that focuses on the intersectionality of these identities can be so wonderful.”
Each meeting has a different theme. Past speakers have included an occupational hand therapist and a yoga expert who taught the group helpful stretches and meditation practices. “But even when we have specialists, there’s always time for us to chat,” Mercedes explains.
“There’s a group of us who’ve been on for a while now, so we’ll ask, ‘Hey, how’s your treatment going?’” Above all, she adds, it’s a safe, supportive space for members to vent and share their frustrations. Indeed, Mercedes has had her fair share of frustrations with years of unexplained symptoms.
The Long & Winding Road to Diagnosis
“It’s absolutely absurd how long this all took, especially how many times my mom, when I was a child, and I, as an adult, told doctors that something was off,” she says.
Mercedes spent much of high school with blood work anomalies and knee problems, which may have been undiagnosed opathic arthritis. Despite her physical issues, Mercedes charged ahead in her academic pursuits, earning a bachelor’s degree in political science from Barnard College in 2011. 
However, it wasn’t until 2013 that she experienced her first painful flare while pursuing her master’s degree at the London School of Economics. She graduated and returned to the United States, where she worked as a political campaign press secretary. “I was feeling better for a while, but as anyone working campaigns will tell you, they are immensely stressful, grueling jobs. The intense work resulted in another flare.”
By 2016, Mercedes had pivoted from politics to academics, pursuing a doctorate in political science from CUNY Graduate Center in New York City. Mercedes avoided doctors as she was tired of being told everything was due to stress, insufficient rest and exercise. “With hindsight, I now realize I had some alarming things happen, like a major, unexplained fall — but I mostly brushed them off,” she says.
Finally, at a post-pandemic, annual physical, her new doctor told her that her symptoms were not a result of normal stress, aging or exhaustion. By April 2022, she had a diagnosis of seronegative RA and a treatment plan. Later, in 2024, she was additionally diagnosed with systemic lupus erythematosus, or SLE, the most common form of lupus. “As weird as it sounds to say, it was a relief getting a pretty major diagnosis and to think, ‘Oh my gosh, I’m not nuts.’”
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Life After Diagnosis
These days, Mercedes is experiencing low disease activity. She is extra vigilant about her health and says, “I’m pretty much the only person who still masks.”
As a popular adjunct lecturer who is also completing her doctorate, Mercedes has her fair share of stress, which can be a trigger. “But I really love what I do, and I’ve been extremely lucky,” she says. She recalls how it felt returning to campus with a cane after the pandemic, when she found that people seemed more willing to accept her coming out as bisexual than coming out with disabling arthritis.
“I know the people asking me questions were coming from a place of kindness, but it definitely took more explanation,” Mercedes remembers. “People asked, ‘Aren’t you too young to have arthritis?’”
Mercedes values her LGBTQIA+ Connect Group and plans to ramp up her involvement with the Arthritis Foundation after finishing her doctorate. Interestingly, her experience has impacted her approach to teaching. “I hope I was always an equitable teacher prior to this,” she says, “But I now understand how, from a personal standpoint, disability can affect your experience and interaction with the world.”
These days, Mercedes is experiencing low disease activity. She is extra vigilant about her health and says, “I’m pretty much the only person who still masks.”
As a popular adjunct lecturer who is also completing her doctorate, Mercedes has her fair share of stress, which can be a trigger. “But I really love what I do, and I’ve been extremely lucky,” she says. She recalls how it felt returning to campus with a cane after the pandemic, when she found that people seemed more willing to accept her coming out as bisexual than coming out with disabling arthritis.
“I know the people asking me questions were coming from a place of kindness, but it definitely took more explanation,” Mercedes remembers. “People asked, ‘Aren’t you too young to have arthritis?’”
Mercedes values her LGBTQIA+ Connect Group and plans to ramp up her involvement with the Arthritis Foundation after finishing her doctorate. Interestingly, her experience has impacted her approach to teaching. “I hope I was always an equitable teacher prior to this,” she says, “But I now understand how, from a personal standpoint, disability can affect your experience and interaction with the world.”
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