Dealing with Toxic People
By Camille Noe Pagan
They’re everywhere. The boss who betrays you in front of your co-workers to the friend who calls you constantly to complain, toxic people are a fact of life. But that doesn’t mean they have to infect you with their negativity and increase your stress level, says Portland, Ore., psychologist Albert J. Bernstein, PhD.
Here, Bernstein offers four tips for dealing with people who are trapped in a cycle of negativity:
Call a time-out. If you’re dealing with someone who flies into fits of rage, treat him as you would a toddler throwing a temper tantrum, Bernstein advises. A simple “I won’t discuss this when you’re in this mood” will do the trick.
Think positively. Counter negative comments with your own positive ones. For example, if a co-worker approaches you to gossip about how awful another colleague is, say, “She’s pretty good at X, Y and Z, though.”
Plead guilty. Have a boss, spouse or parent who always seems to be chewing you out? Bernstein recommends cutting off the offender by saying, “If I made a mistake, I’m sorry. What can I do to fix it?” By validating his feelings, and then asking a question, you’re pulling him out of anger mode and making him think logically.
Know when it’s time to let go. If you’ve tried everything, but you’re still emotionally exhausted by a negative person who just won’t change, move on – even if it means skipping a family get-together, ending a friendship or finding a new job.
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