When You're Among Friends:
A New Perspective

Many people who go to an arthritis support group for the first time admit that they're surprised at how "normal" everyone is.

"I didn't want to come at first, because I didn't want to see what I'd look like eventually," says Jeanie. "But the people in the group look and act just like everyone else."

Of tonight's meeting, Ruth comments, "I wasn't expecting people to be so positive and encouraging. It's good to see people who've been living with it for a while and are still happy."

According to Frances, people often come to the group initially looking for what she calls, "ain't it awful" validation. But they soon see others carrying on with their lives - working, coping, laughing - and it puts things in perspective for them.

"I've often seen people come in the door downtrodden and defeated, yet when they leave, they have the feeling that they can handle it after all. Here, they regain the ability to laugh again and not to be consumed by their illness," she says.

Donna recalls a woman who came to the group about a year ago. "Her whole family thought she was crazy, that she should just make herself keep up with her responsibilities. She was in tears, saying, 'All I want to do is go to bed and stay there for good!' She wondered if she was crazy for feeling that way.

"I could related to her immediately, " Donna continues. "When I first got the disease, I became very sick very quickly. The medications put me on an emotional roller coaster and I was frustrated, exhausted and in pain. I remember saying I'd like to get a hotel room all alone and sleep the rest of my life away."

"I was able to share that story with her and she could see that I'd eventually gotten much better and been able to pick myself up and go on with my life. She left that meeting knowing her reactions were normal, and she was armed with the confidence she needed to get through the tough times."

A virtual stranger, Donna was able to give the woman the empathy, validation and encouragement that her own family members couldn't - or wouldn't. At the same time, having used a difficult experience that happened in her own life to help a new friend. Donna no doubt left the group that night feeling a little more confident herself. But that should come as no surprise. After all, when you're in a support group, you're among friends.