Answer
This is another topic to be addressed at the kitchen table, when you are not in a sexually charged situation. Your partner may be better able to understand that your pain level varies from day to day, hour to hour, and even situation to situation, if you use a scale of 1 to 10.

“Pain is such a subjective experience,” says Rainer. “If your only choices are ‘yes’ or ‘no,’ that’s a scale of 1 to 2. On a scale of 1 to 10 you’ve got lots more room to negotiate.” You have the framework to say:  I’m a 2 today, let’s go for it! Or, today’s a 7 but I’d love to stroke you and kiss you. Or, tonight is a 10; let’s just lie side by side and listen to some music.

The sensate focusing exercise described earlier can also help you communicate with your partner about what’s possible or painful for you at any given time.