Answer
"That is a chronically ill woman’s worst fear,” says Rainer.

Behind that fear, says Dodge, are the thoughts that I’ll always be alone and no one can ever want me, and that an able-bodied woman can do so much more for a man than I can. (The experts point out that some men with chronic illness worry about the same thing. These fears aren’t exclusive to one sex or the other.)

“This requires a very, very tender conversation,” says Rainer. “You need to take your worst fears to your partner and say, ‘You know, I’m really scared. I really am worried,’ and ask for the reassurance that is necessary. Most times, you’ll get it, and if you don’t, then better that you have that information sooner rather than later.’”

To help with unreasonable fears – those that won’t go away despite sincere reassurance – find fulfillment within yourself, says Dodge. Find outlets for your talents and interests: a theater group, an art class, a choir. Constantly asking for reassurance can be a turn off.

Consider, too, that a partner who is going to be unfaithful may do so whether you have arthritis or not. Blaming your illness may obscure the real reason for the infidelity – that you are with a person whom you cannot trust or that the relationship is not a solid one. Couples can have problems whether or not arthritis is in the picture. You may want to find a good counselor to help you and your partner sort out these issues.