Whether you are 8 or 80, having arthritis will influence who you are, but it doesn't have to define you. We asked five people with arthritis to tell us the five most important things about themselves. Arthritis never even came up – until we probed further.

Who are you? A gourmet cook? A loving parent? A devoted spouse? An avid reader? An outdoors lover? An amateur magician? An expert mechanic? An overworked accountant? You could be any of these things or all of them. Yet receiving a diagnosis of arthritis can somehow overshadow all that you are and do – at least for a while. As you contemplate the changes a chronic disease brings to your life, you may find yourself thinking, "I'm a person with arthritis," "I'm not the person I was before," or even "Who am I now?"

Such feelings are normal as you grieve the loss of your previously healthy self, says Barbara Butler, a behavioral therapist in Dallas who has rheumatoid arthritis (RA) and counsels people with the condition. "You become consumed by your disease in the beginning."

Although such feelings may resurface throughout your life, fortunately, for most people, they don't last, Butler says.

New Disease, New Identity
Matt Baker remembers all too well those feelings of being consumed with arthritis and wondering "Who am I?" Diagnosed with juvenile rheumatoid arthritis (JRA) 18 years ago at age 12, the Maryville, Mo., resident remembers feeling like an outcast at the time of life he wanted most to feel like part of the crowd.

"I tried my best to fit in, to be the same person I was before [arthritis], but I couldn't," Baker recalls. "While other kids were participating in gym class, I had to sit on the side. If I went to a school dance, I knew I wouldn't be able to walk the next day."

Pain in Baker's ankles and hips never let him forget his arthritis. It reminded him daily that he would never be a football quarterback or track star. To his classmates, he suspected, he would always be known as "the kid with arthritis."

But Baker's perspective began to change one day when he was in his late teens and two friends invited him to go hiking. "I told them I didn't think I was up to it," he says. "When they asked why not, I said, ‘You know, this arthritis thing. It's really bothering my ankles right now.'" To Baker's astonishment, his friends seemed surprised and responded, "Oh yeah, we forgot you had that."

"That was a turning point in my life," Baker says. "If it wasn't how they saw me, it wasn't going to be how I saw myself."

Adapting to the New You
Figuring out how to see yourself may be one of your biggest challenges if you are newly diagnosed with a disease.

"When arthritis comes along, it can rock our very sense of who we are," says Gerald Devins, MD, professor of psychiatry and psychology at the University of Toronto in Canada and senior scientist with the Canadian Institutes of Health Research.

Depending on the severity of the disease, the number of symptoms, the complexity of the treatment regimen and, of course, the individual's personality, Dr. Devins says, people usually cope with disease in one of a few ways:

They hold fast to a former identity. Some people cope by denying they're sick, anything's changed about them or anything's wrong, Dr. Devins says. And doing so can take their mind off the limitations and losses a chronic disease brings – at least for the short term.

But continuing to deny illness or neglect the treatment needed to manage a disease can take its toll over time, he says.

They take on an illness identity. Others cope by resigning themselves to a life of illness and defining themselves as a sick person. Doing so can limit the normal ups and downs of having a disease. When we begin to identify an illness with ourselves, limitations aren't a surprise – we expect them.

"[Taking on an illness identity] may be adaptive in that it protects us from some of the real valleys of distress," says Dr. Devins. Unfortunately, it also eliminates some of the peaks of happiness.

They carve a healthy new identity. People coping the best tend to acknowledge their arthritis and the role it plays in their life, but they don't let it define who they are, says Dr. Devins.

By avoiding an all-or-nothing mentality of sick vs. healthy, you are able to make trade-offs that enable you to continue doing the things you value most without overdoing it, says Dr. Devins. In the process, you may learn to accept the person you are with arthritis.

That's exactly what has happened with Matt Baker. "I have had arthritis over half my life, so it is part of my identity. And I like who I am," Baker says.

"I think arthritis has made me more sensitive," he continues. "It's made me realize what's important. If I didn't have arthritis, would I still be the person I am today?"

Arthritis Today asked five readers to come up with – and prioritize – five statements about themselves, beginning with "I am a …" And guess what? Arthritis didn't make the top five for any of them. But when we prodded further, we learned arthritis played an important role in many of their defining statements. See what they told us.

Matt Baker (JRA)  |   Jessica Buckner (OA)  |   Dean Garner (OA)  |   Julie Newell (Lupus)  |   Julie Seitz (JRA)

Mary Anne Dunkin is a contributing editor to Arthritis Today.